Wednesday, November 30, 2005

'Roids Or Droid?

Barry Bonds is ridunkulous. Last night Rabbi W showed me the craziest stats.
You may have heard about this whole steroids, Barry Bonds thing. "Oh Bonds isn't good, it's just the steroids." Well, let me show you, it's not.
Another thing, he also doesn't have very many RBIs. Let's deal with that first. In his last 3 years (2002 - 2004) he had 110, 90 (NINETY!!!), and 101 RBIs, respectively. But like, dude, why hasn't he more RBIs? Since 2000, he's had 40+ homers every year. You'd think that he would have more. Well, let's look.
In 2002, this was his stat line with men on second and third:

2nd & 3rd 1 9 0 1 9 .900 .000 .900

Officially, he had ONE at-bat. ONE AT-BAT! Nine walks!

1 11 0 1 18 .900 .000 .900

2 12 0 2 14 .875 .000 .875

Now, to show the amazingness of Barry, let's take a look at another stat. How he bats when he's down in the count, at 0-1, and 0-2. But first, let's compare him other amazing hitters.
Who's the best hitter in the NL? Pujols? Yeah, thought so. Lets look at him down in the count:

2002 - 2004
After 0-1 826 0 253 66 3 49 147 50 9 114 3 3 .306 .349 .571 .920

Ok, ok, that's good. Now let's look at 0-2.

After 0-2 282 0 66 15 3 11 40 10 6 63 0 1 .234 .273 .426 .699

I must say, that is quite bad.
Now let's look at Barry:

2002 - 2004
After 0-1 329 0 105 15 1 36 68 57 8 60 1 0 .319 .427 .699 1.126
After 0-2 104 0 32 4 0 11 21 11 0 34 0 0 .308 .371 .663 1.034

He doesn't care what the count is. Most batters just like, are dead at that point. Barry is just on another level. His OPS would lead the league!

He doesn't even care who the pitcher is:

Randy Johnson 49 15 3 3 12 11 6 .306 .452 .551 1.003
Tom Glavine 79 26 6 2 13 13 10 .329 .426 .570 .995
Pedro Martinez 33 11 3 1 3 10 8 .333 .488 .576 1.064

Let's face it people: Barry Bonds is ridunkulous, and it has NOTHING to do with the 'roids.

Jews Are Crazy

We really are. Yesterday during Rambam class with Rabbi Wolicki, we were learning what the Rambam says abuot false prophets. One aspect we spoke about for a while was what if the prophet says something, but it's not against the Torah. For example, the prophet says, "Follow the Torah, and next Wednesday, all Jews have to eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches at 1103." After talking about the halachic ramifications, Jordan goes, "that would suck. I mean, not, because I like pb & j. I'd give them out on the highway."

Rabbi W: "Excuse me, have you had your pb & j yet?" "Or tefillin?" Jordan, you could be chabad. They would go crazy with it, they would build a huge pb & j sandwich, and put it right everywhere, to publicize the pb & j. The Briskers would have fun with this. They'd go, 'Uh (the yeshivishe uh, like, "Uh! What does Rashi say?), so it must be that the amount of pb and the amount of j have to be equal, because if one was a little bit more, then it wouldn't be a pb & j, just either pb, or j. So they'd be sitting there with their weights, measuring trying to get exactly the same amounts.
Tonny: So Rabbi, 2 questions: 1, what about the stuff that's left on the knife?
Rabbi W: No, it's ok, because it's a very small amount anyway.
Tonny: Ok, so then which is more mehadrin, creamy, or crunchy?
Rabbi W: Uh, ok, well you could say both sides: Creamy, because the nuts take away from the butter, and the shiur of nuts/butter can be questionable. And crunchy, because it's peanut butter. It's nothing without the peanuts.

I definately forgot some lines, but that was the ikkar (main part) of it.

I love Jews.

Monday, November 28, 2005

100 And Counting...

There are only about 100 days left of learning....

Where'd it all go?

Yeah 8000 Hits!

Shmoneh elef....not bad....

Friday, November 25, 2005

Mitz'ada (Aka Masada)

The Snake Path is quite crazy. Especially when you're racing down the path, running the whole way.


Random Schimmelism

Jackie *on the phone*: Why do you want to go to the [Israeli] army?
Sam: ...I gain fluency in Hebrew, and proficiency in assault rifles.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Schimmelism Of The Week XXXI

Sam: Hey Tonny, I haven't seen you all day.
Tonny: You haven't been in class all day.

Friday, November 18, 2005


So what do athiests say instead of, "oh my G-d...?"

Wednesday, November 16, 2005


Rabbi Wolicki: hey tonny
FonZThEIV: hey rabbi
FonZThEIV: whazzup?
Rabbi Wolicki: you're a bum
FonZThEIV: why am i a bum?
Rabbi Wolicki: cuz you're a bum
FonZThEIV: alright
FonZThEIV: i guess i could be down with that
FonZThEIV: besides i gotta decide whether to play saku koivu or craig conroy on shabbos--im doing my lineup a little a head
Rabbi Wolicki: this is what you came to yeshiva for? stop being a bum. time to get serious!!!
FonZThEIV: no its not what i came to yeshiva for
FonZThEIV: course not
Rabbi Wolicki: you need some mussar and a swift kick
FonZThEIV: haha--avi shneider can take care of that...
Rabbi Wolicki: i'll tell him to kick you
FonZThEIV: in fact he hit me in the chest and it KILLED like, before yomtov
FonZThEIV: ok
FonZThEIV: alright Rabbi, im bizouncin
Rabbi Wolicki: huh?
Rabbi Wolicki: you're what?
FonZThEIV: bouncing
Rabbi Wolicki: like a ping pong ball?
FonZThEIV: im bizouncin = im bouncing = im going
FonZThEIV: yes
FonZThEIV: im gonna be bizouncin like a ping pong ball
FonZThEIV: ill talk to you soon rabbi
FonZThEIV: have an amazing rest of day

What do you make of that..?

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Random Schimmelism

Eitan: Rabbi, my friend is coming tonight to look at the yeshiva.
Rabbi W: He's coming to look at the yeshiva?! Send him a picture!

He was kidding obviously.

Gotta love the random Schimmelism...

Monday, November 14, 2005

No Words...

David Wright is ridiculous--as a matter of fact, he's ridunkulous (yes again because even Roth says that's the greatest play ever)

Belliard is just sick

Monroe's black--he can jump

Jeter crashing into Cano (even though I hate him, I respect trully great plays he makes)

Cuddyer lays out

Wilson's Mad Flip

I'll be watching these everyday like, 5 times each until Dec 9 when the voting ends for Play Of The Year at

Schimmelism Of The Week XXX

Eitan: There's a guy in my shul named Levi ben Levi HaLevi.
R' Hirshberg: Is he Sefardi?
Eitan: Well, he is kind of hairy...

New Yeshiva Fad

Dough fried in butter.

Yes yes, that is a Malawach.

What will it be next?

Friday, November 11, 2005


Which American City Are You?

Take the quiz: "Which'>">"Which American City Are You?"

New York
You're competative, you like to take it straight to the fight. You gotta have it all or die trying.

I hate NY usually, but with this description, I'm down with that.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Good Things Never Last

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Titles, Titles, Titles...

My rebbe is coming out with a book in the next two or three months. It's a book of divrei torah on each parsha, that have to do with Eretz Yisrael. We have a tradition that Eretz Yisrael is mentioned in every parsha almost explicitly, with only a few times having to scratch the surface a little bit, with chazal telling us. So for each parsha he has a few divrei torah, each of them about Eretz Yisrael but he doesn't have a title yet.
So today he gave us a sheet with a list of titles and he asked us to rate them, and he said we could also give in suggestions, and if he uses your suggestion, YOUR NAME WILL APPEAR IN THE BOOK.

So, if any of you have any good suggestions, give them to me soon, and ill pass them on with your name.

Hatzlacha Rabbah!


Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Hardcore Self-Impressage

So you know when sometimes you do things that you can't really believe you did, and you just totally impress yourself? Well, I did that tonight:

Tonny: Sam, do you want some handmade jewelry for Melissa?
Sam: Yeah sure. What's it made of?
Tonny: Hands...duh.

I mean, seriously, what else is handmade jewelry made of?

Then in the beis medrash later, Isaac wanted to turn on the heat:

Isaac: Daniel, can we turn on the heat?
Daniel: Warm yourself up by the fire of Torah!
Jordan: Yeah, light a Torah on fire, and warm yourself by it.

I love it.

Monday, November 07, 2005

Schimmelism Of The Week XXIX

Rabbi S: Klumper, I have a suggestion, move to the front, & take your bag of goodies with you. Besides, if you finish it all now, what are you going to take to Grandma's later?
Klapper: Did you know my name isn't Klumper?
Rabbi: Do you know you spelled your name wrong on your test? You left out an 'm.'

Ramblings Before...More Bed

Tonny: Hey Jordan.
Jordan: What's up?
Tonny: My temperature.

Yeah, I'm sick (don't worry, I just washed my hands, so it's ok I'm using the computer). This morning my temp was at 103. Yoni said that my thermometer must be broken, because if my temp was really 103, I wouldn't even be able to sit up. Sam said something, I forgot, but I think the opposite. I've been taking Advil (I looove Advil, all sugar-coated and stuff, it tastes soooo good!), and drinking water, and sleeping, and stuff. I took my temp around 1/2 an hour ago, and it was 99.4 I think, so BH it's going down.
In the "good news" portion, I got my techeiles and tied them yesterday during lunch. It's awesome, I'm so excited to have them. Yay mitzvos! And cool-looking tzitzis!
It's funny, I've seen Raavad techeiles, and they look really cool. I told that to Zsh, and he's like you're not supposed to make your decision on which way to tie them, because they look cool. But then I'm thinking, um, what are you smoking? The gemara says that it's supposed to look nice. Which of course is another way of saying that it looks cool. So like, maybe the fact that it looks cool should be tied into your decision at least a little bit. Whatever.
Aight, back to bed. Laila tov y'all.
And Happy 20th birthday to Talya. :-)

Friday, November 04, 2005

HaRav Avraham Leiberman ZT"L

On Wednesday night/Thursday morning, HaShem had decided that he wanted to take back the neshama of HaRav Avraham ben Meir Leiberman ZT"L. The funeral was in Stamford CT on Thursday, and then his body was flown to BG Airport in Tel Aviv, so he can be buried in Yerushalyim, on Har HaMenuchot. I went with Pesh today, to say goodbye to a neighbor and close friend.
We met somewhere near the top, and then we drove down to near where his burial plot is, and they were carrying it down, and when Kfare and I saw them coming, Kfare ran to help carry, Schaffer went, and I went. We carried Rav Leiberman down the stairs, to his plot.
You see, here in EY, people aren't buried in a casket like everywhere else, they are wrapped in a few shrouds, sheets, and on the outside a tallis, and that's it. so when one carries a meis
(a dead body), you can theoretically, touch the body (if it weren't for the sheets of course). I actually did--we had to go around some of the other kvaros, so when we turned, i turned my hand up on the the the wood (bodies are carried on these 2 wooden staffs which we held, connected by these metal strips which the meis is lying on) Rav Leiberman was leaning on me a bit, so if it weren't for the sheets, I would have been touching him. And while we were walking, I lookeda t his feet, and it hit me then that he was mamash right next to me. It was very weird. I can deal with dead chickens; dead people on the other hand, and especially when he was a close family friend, made it a little weird. It wasn't hard per se, just weird. Especially since it was the first burial I have ever gone to.
I didn't know Rav Leiberman that well, but I knew him, and knew that everything everyone said about him was true. His grandson, Meir, spoke, and he said, he loved how his zeidie would make each grandchild feel like they were the special one. He said, "and you would ask, 'who loves Saba?" And even Ayala, would couldn't speak English, knew how to say, 'I love Saba." And I could see him doing that in my mind, I saw it, and I'm like, yeah, that's him alright.
I wasn't able to go visit him in the hospital on Sunday with Abba and Peggy. I haven't seen him since he got sick--maybe once. I couldn't go to the levaya. But I was here. I'm glad I went. I felt I represented my part of the family. And after, I spoke to his sons, and I said I was a Schwarzmer, Abba's son (actually Pesh said it, so I didn't really say Abba's name). And they looked quite happy to see me there (how can one be happy then? Who knows, but they looked it somewhat).
Whatever I say won't do justice to how great he was. He had thousands and thousands of students, he brought many, many people back "on the derech," he was a great man. I am going to miss him.

HaRav Avraham ben Meir Leiberman ZT"L

Techeiles: The Decision

And I will be doing....

R' Shachter of YU techeiles. Around 305 shekel, which comes out to $67.7777777777 (you get the idea...).

Hopefully I'll get them soon. I'll be in Yerushalayim tomorrow, maybe I could go and buy them from the store...

Yeah techeiles!!

Sheva Brachos

So it's the 2nd day of the new zman (semester, I guess...) and it's around 20 minutes before philosophy class tonight, around 740, and this guy comes into the beis medrash and says, we're having 7 Brachos, we need 2 guys. So I'm like, Dude, I'm there! I mean, free food, you know? So Max and I went, we got there, sat down, and the people went through the obligatory questions, like, where you from, how many guys in the yeshiva, how is it here, etc. and it was good, I'm learning Hebrew, they're learning English. And I ate supper there--I didn't like the yeshiva supper. We sang a little bit, dvar torah from one of the people, and we bentched, and I got the long bracha (nice!). As we left the Mrs. said, and at your chuppah, we'll come and be with you, and I said, God Willing.

There's nothing like spontaneously going to a 7 Brachos, and getting a great mitzvah, while getting free food, and missing philosophy class.

(I must say, when I thought about this post, it was MUCH better in my head than it is now...)

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Schimmelism Of The Week XXVIII

Tonny: There's no system to beat unless it's your parents.
Roth: I like beating my parents.