Schimmelism Of The Week XLI

I forgot to post last week, so here's 2, one of them a birthday Schimmelism (good timing I guess, right?).

Daniel: You're turning 19. Backwards it's 91, gematriyya of "tzei (go out)", so get out of here.

Reuven: I'm going to fold up the bottom half of the map [of Israel] because I don't want my arms to get tired.
Daniel: Hey, the government said the same thing.

Sweet

I'm down with this--

Islamic Sheik declares that Jerusalem is Not Holy to Islam
Sheik Achmed Subhy Mansour, a renowned Islamic scholar and former professor at Cairo's distinguished Al Azhar University, explains that according to the true teachings of Islam, Jerusalem belongs to the Jews. Moreover, Dr. Mansour explains that Wahabi teachings are poisoning Muslim minds.

Are you?

Happy Birthday To....Me

The Gemara in Sanhendrin 94a says that King Chizkiyahu would have been Maschi'ach, but he didn't give hoda'a (thanks) to HaShem for healing him from his sickness, so he wasn't Maschi'ach.

Can you imagne? If it he had done something small like giving thanks to HaShem, all of our suffering today, it would seem, wouldn't have happened as we all would be in Eretz Yisrael now with peace in the world?

I say it's a small thing, but apparently it looks like it's not. Therefore, I would like to thank HaShem for letting me live for 19 healthy years, with not such a bad life, all in all. And I hope You, HaShem, let me live another 101 healthy years, in order to serve you in the best way possible, and to bring kavod (honor) to Your Name.

And thank you to all of you in my life who have helped make it what it is.

And Thank You God.

Well...

Yeah, I guess I forgot to say that that post was how NOT to feel. DON'T BE SO JUDGEMENTAL PEOPLE.

But seriously, I know, I shouldn't be so judgmental and all that. I've been trying to fix that in myself. Not doing so good apparently.

Whatever--life keeps on going.

I apologize to all those who were offended.

I Think The Lion Is Still There

On Sunday the yeshiva took us on a one day tiyyul in the Beit Shemesh area, showing us that stuff actually did happen in our area. One of the places we went to was Beit Guvrin, which had an apmitheatre there. We went there, with our tour guide telling us about the Romans, and what they were trying to do to the Jews--trying to make us not follow the Torah anymore, get assimilated in the Roman culture. It represented the Roman culture, having guys being eaten by lions as entertainment.
Irony of Ironies, the Solomon Shechter group that was there at the same time as us, was davening Mincha as our tour guide was saying his shpiel. You ask, so what? Well, As being conservatives, they davened the conservative way: no mechitza, women leading the davening. I don't know if a girl was leading the davening or not, I don't remember, but I do remember that after Aleinu, a girl, who is an aveil (mourner) of about 2 and 1/2 weeks now, was saying Qaddish...by herself.

Interesting choice for Mincha, you think?

No, Really, There IS A God...

We all know that Moshe was given the torah, and it's been passed down for like, 10 trillion years--well, 3318--to us. But you probably wonder sometimes, did it really go through all that? Is it really the same one that was given to Moshe?

Well, yes. It's been tracked. And it was sent to me by R' Hirschberg. It's a list of the mesorah (tradition of the Torah) from Moshe Rabeinu until R's Soloveichik, Feinstein and Kaminetsky. No Joke.

I was reading it, and I just sat there like, wow. I believe that the Torah is real and the same and all that jazz, but when you see something like this, a list, that has gone rebbe-talmid-rebbe-talmid (or from one gadol hador to the next) for 3318 years, it makes your jaw drop. And your toungue stick out. And we all know that the tougue-sticking-out action is huge.

Imagine. 3318 years. All tracked. Anf of course we all know people (parents, friends, etc) who have either been students, or students of students of R's S., F., and K. We could put ourselves right at the bottom of that list. I could put myself there right now definately from R' Yaakov K--his grandson is/was Rabbi Wolicki's rebbe. BOOM there you go.

I would put it here, but it would take too much room. Leave a comment if you want it forwarded to you.

I guess no anonymous comments for those of you who want me to send it to you....

Yes, There Is A God!

Pitchers and catchers reported yesterday.

Or Not...

My ride got lost around the tachana merkazit (central bus station) trying to pick me up in Giv'at Sha'ul on the way. We got there 2 minutes late. No R' Ovadyah...

Maybe the yeshiva will make an appointment wit him, so the guys culd see him *cough cough RABBI WOLICKI cough cough*

*sigh*

The Seeing Of A Gadol

Mr friend's parents are here in Israel visiting her for a little bit, and also because her father, already a rabbi, got another smicha in "issur veheter," kashrus pretty much. So they took the last test for the smicha, and after that, they all went to a slaughter house (as it relates to what they were learning, the whole process), and I was invited because I am learning shechita. So we went, and had a good time, and after we went to Har Nof, to daven at maariv at...R' Ovadyah Yosef's house, with a chance to meet him after. Earlier in the day, the group had been told by R' Ovadyah's gabbai that he wasn't feeling well, but he might take guests. In the end, he didn't but the person who set it up, made a few calls and when he got of fthe phone, he announced, "We have an appointment with him Wednesday night at 730."

Wow. I'm going to meet R" Ovadyah, probably the biggest gadol b'torah alive today.

Yesterday, it was just a spur of the moment type thing, like hey, let's go. It's obviosly not going to be like that, so I'm going to have to wear my Shabbos clothes to see him, which is a little annoying because I'm going to have to change into my basketball stuff (yeah I'm on the basketball team...Kehat: Hey look [at Tonny], he floats!), so I have to bring a bag and whatever, but really, to see R' Ovadyah, it's quite quite fine.

R' Wolicki also told me that it's a Sfardi custon that when we shake his hand, you have to kiss it. I was like that's awesome! I want to be Sfardi! He doesn't have a ring though...

Aight, laila tov y'all.

Schimmelism Of The Week XL

Zalman: But the Rambam's science was also wrong.
Max: If the Rambam were alive, he'd say to not listen to his science.
R' Beinenstock: I know what the Rambam would say if he were alive today: "Let me out of this coffin, I'm not dead!"

Schimmelism Of The Week XXXIX

Roth: Eitan! Go put on some shorts! We don't want to see male genetalia!
Jordan: Go speak for yourself!

10 G's!

Thank you all for making this possible.

Olam Haba

I feel bad for those who are not Jewish. I really do.

It has nothing to do with anything like, "Oh, they're more inferior than us" or they aren't, or anything like that. It just has to do with the fact that most of them have never heard of ragulach.

For those of you who don't know what ragulach are, they are danishes, rolled up dough with stuff inside, like chocolate, or cinammon, and the like.

You can get them at the store, but they're not as good then from the bakery. Or your local Shabbos store.

We have a store 2 minutes from yeshiva called "Shefa Shabbat." It's open on Thursdays and Fridays, and every Erev Yomtov, and days like that. Like, during the chaggim, it was open like, practically everyday. And all of Chanuka it was open.

They have food for Shabbos. That's pretty much what it is. They make chulent on Thursday, it's ready by Thursday afternoon (before mishmar, guys go sometimes to have mishmar chulent, and it's sooo good!), shnitzel, stuffed cabbage, potato and lukshin (noodle) kugels. And of course Shabbos nosh candy. And of course, baked stuff, like ragulach. And they make them right there. Which means of course that sometimes when you get there, they are right out of the oven...

You take the tongs, you put some hot ragulach in your bag, you feel your other hand holding the bag get warm. You put in a few more, and your hand gets even warmer. You put in another, and now you burn your hand, and while you smell the aroma of the chocolate and cinammon ragulach, it's the best feeling in the world.

You go to pay; as quickly as possible of course. You get your change and bag, and you're not even a foot away when you reach your hand into the bag and feel the hotness of the sweet ragulach embracing your hand. You take one, put it in your mouth, and feel the exquisite, rich and savory mixture of dough, chocolate/cinammon, (oil?) syrup, all together to form the perfect Shabbos food.

Sometimes though, one isn't luck enough to get hot ragulach, so they get the ones that have cooled off a bit. Over Shabbos they are eaten, but not finished off. After Shabbos, you see there are still some more left, and you reach for one, and you notice that it is still as fresh as it was on Erev Shabbos.

There is a song we sing on Shabbos, and the last stanza starts off as, "Mei'ein Olam Haba, yom Shabbos menucha--Similar to Olam Haba, Shabbos, the day of rest." There is no doubt in my mind that the composer had ragulach in mind in the creating of this song.

Only In Israel

So you know how a lot of things in America are "new and improved?" Well, I saw an even better one here at yeshiva. We have a box of B&D tea, and on the bottom right it says, "better & different!"

*sigh*

Schimmelism Of The Week XXXVIII

Jordan: Farsi sounds like someone trying to speak English with lava in his mouth; his mouth is too burned to talk.