Sunday, April 30, 2006

Pettitte: Shut Up

Last week there was an article on ESPN (I'm having trouble finding it) was saying how Astros pitcher Andy Pettitte was angry at manager Phil Garner for having fellow pitcher Roy Oswalt pinch hit instead of having Pettitte pinch hit in the 14 inning game they played vs. the LA Dodgers on 4/26. Everyone thought Pettitte was joking, but he said, "no, I'm serious, I should have been pinch hitting, not him (or something to that affect)." He says it's because it made more sense, percentage-wise, for Pettitte to be pinch-hitting.

Andy, I have an idea: Shut your conceited, pompous mouth, and just pitch. You're paid to pitch, which you're not doing so well. So I suggest you shut yo' damn mouff, and instead of complaining you're better than Oswalt in hitting, start pitching like him, because he is clearly better than you in that. You arrogant, arrogant fool.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Schimmelism Of The Week XLVII

Charles: Are you getting brain freeze?
Tonny & Judith: Uh, it's hot...

And now, one from the Master R' Schimmel himself:

Tonny: How do you spell Iline Rabbi?
Rabbi: How do I spell it?
Tonny: Yeah.
Rabbi: With a silent 7. I-L-I-7-N-E.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

That's Bonds...I mean, Wright, David Wright.

Apr 24 According to The Associated Press, New York Mets 3B David Wright entered the week of April 24 batting .387 (12-for-31) on two-strike counts with four doubles, two triples and a home run, according to the Elias Sports Bureau. That means seven of his 10 extra-base hits this year had come with two strikes. Wright was also 5-for-8 (.625) on 0-2 pitches with a homer and a triple.

That's Bonds-like, ain't it Rabbi...?

Fighters Of The Foo...?

Do the Foo Fighter actually fight foo?

Monday, April 24, 2006

Best Part Of Vacation

It's clearly the free laundry done at your family's house. It got to a point that I felt like I was stealing, being that I'm now so used to paying for my laundry. I'd put my clothes in, turn on the machine and think to myself, wait a second...isn't this stealing? Shouldn't I be paying someone...?

And then I said to myself, oh right, I'm not at yeshiva, nevermind...

Sunday, April 23, 2006

More On Eilat

It was loads of fun. Outside of the mall there's a sign that lists all 8 of Eilat's sister cities. I barely knew any of them, like, some place in Hungary, a city in Germany (and no, not the big ones either), etc. Anyway, I realized why the first one listed is Los Angeles. If you want to know why, just think of the similarities, like, temperature throughout the year, and effects that has on, uh, people...
On Sunday Chol Hamo'ed we went on a hike to Amudei Amram (Pillars of Amram) and Kanyon Shchoret (Sh'choret Canyon). Cool pillars, I must say. But as we were going to the Kanyon, a bunch whole group of people in atv's passed by (very rocky road, we had to go slow), around 7 or 8 of them. When we were almost there, my Uncle Kenny decided to park and walk the rest of the way--it would be faster that way. Anyway, we went in, came out, and when I came out, a girl on one of the atv's asked me, "Are you Tonny?"

Me: Yeah.
Her: Tonny Szwarcmer?
Me: Yeah, how do you know me?
Her: I'm in Shifra's class at Maimo, I know you from the picture of the 2 of you in her locker. I hope I'm not scaring you or anything...
Me: No, don't worry.

Soooo weird in the middle of nowhere. But it was cool. I like how people can recognize me like that. Wouldn't you? And it turns out her cousin married someone from Fairfield, Jason's sister. And then I saw her again on the tayelet (boardwalk) in Eilat. I was walking with Ita, and I see these 2 American girls (you can tell, trust me), and as we're walking by the dude in front of them said, "Hey it's you again." I say back Hey whazzup? So this girl (her name is Rebecca) says I spoke to Shifra, she says hi. I thanked her, and then we were too far away to say more.
I also saw Dovid...and his wife Avigayyil. Dovid goes to Ohr Etziyyon, and turned 19 in the beginning of February, and the Tuesday after his birthday, he got married to Avigayyil. Crazy, eh? So I also saw them on the tayelet, spoke to them for a few minutes. Maybe I'll see yo soon Dovid...

So about that hike...yeah it rained for about an hour. On Pesach. In Eilat. Which was NOT supposed to happen. And barely ever happens. But for some reason, it happened anyway. Very weird. Anyway, we were driving, and we saw a rainbow. It was cool, we stopped took some pictures, but I mean, we've seen it before right? But then we're driving again, and then Ita yells, "oh my God a double rainbow!" And we're like wha? And then we look, and we see that 1, the original rainbow is even clearer, and 2, there actually is a second rainbow. It was faint, but it was there and we saw it. We took pictures and whatever, but like, I was wondering if I needed to saya bracha. I mean, come on, when was the last time you saw a double rainbow? I didn't say anything though--didn't know what to say.

Let's go Mets.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Schimmelism Of The Week XLVII

Rachel: Xylophone. See? What words start with x that sound like x?
Tonny: X-ray.
Rachel: X-ray starts with a z...

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

I'm Back

Well, BH I'm back from Eilat. Don't get me wrong, Eilat was awesome, but it's nice to be back home.

I went wth my cousins, Abba's sister's family. MY uncle's brother, and my this brother's wife's sister's family also came with us. Loads of fun.

Let me tell you, Eilat was a sight to see...

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Web Gem

Ridiculous play of Mets 2nd baseman Anderson Hernandez:

And, our car wash from last night...

Sunday, April 09, 2006

To Be Or Not To Be...?

I was walking back to my cousins house from Ohr Dovid seeing Ed, and it dawned on me that really "feel better" doesn't mean so much. Well, obviously, yeah you're wishing someone that they feel better. But we can do better than that. Just because one feels better doesn't mean they are better. Therefore, the new phrase should be: "Be better?"

Dude 1: Hey how are you doing?
Dude 2: BH alright, I'm sick.
Dude 1: Oh, with what?
Dude 2: Fever, headache, stomach virus.
Dude 1: Oh man be better dude.

See? Substitute "feel" for "be" for a second. No where does he say he should actually be better, just feel better. Here he's saying he should actually be better.

Maybe we can change things. From now on, say "be better." Hey, if enough people do it, it can spread far and wide. And far...

Let's go Mets (had to throw that in there).

Friday, April 07, 2006

New Mets Ballpark

It's finally here. Well, sort of. It should be ready for Opening Day 2009, which is quite far away, but still, the plans and all. Looks nice. I am down with the fact that the new upper deck will be equivalent to sitting in Shea's loge. That's cool.

But why does it have to look like Ebbets Field to be NY-ish...? I mean, I guess I get it, but like, so what? So Freddy here remembers going to Ebbets. Woopy. I remember going to Shea.

Whatever. It's a new stadium, it's all good.

And for those of you who are saying, why is the city paying for this?? Well, I'll have y'all know that the Mets are paying for the entire thing. Asright, entire thing. It'll create 6 g's partime jobs. And of course make loads for the city.

Whazzup now?

Wednesday, April 05, 2006


At 1 minute, 2 minutes and 3 seconds, the date will be:

01:02.03 04/05/06

Isn't that awesome?

Schimmelism Of The Week XLVI

Zalman: Do we [the yeshiva] still have those phone dictionaries around?
Tonny: Huh?
Zalman: You know, those phone dictionaries.
Tonny: Uh, phone book...?
Zalman: Yeah, those....I've been in Israel waaay too long....

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

"Got Milk?" Uh, Apparently Not...

On Sunday I got on the 417 to go back to Beis Shemesh, and I see Zsh on the bus, so I sit next to him and we're talking. Eventually I'm like, dude, wanna learn Horayos (it's the shortest tractate (13 pages), but it's also quite hard)? He's like, yeah sure. So last night we're learning, and we get to the part about the Beis Din said that certain chalav--milk--was permitted, but then it got switched with some shuman--fat--and the dude ate the fat, so he's not obligated to bring a karban. And then the gemara goes on, bringing 2 other versions of Rava who said the last thing, and we didn't really get it. So we looked at Rashi, and then Zsh gave a pshat, and we're like, ok, ok, and even then we sorta had it but not really. Then at the end of that piece I realized, wait a second, it's not chalav, but cheilev--fat which the Torah prohibits--and that the cheilev got switched with the shuman--permitted fat--so then he's not obligated. And then we understood the gemara.

And that's what happens when there are no vowels.

(For those of you who didn't, this is where you laugh to make me feel better.)

Let's Go Mets!

Ain't that pretty? Oh, yeah it is for all you nay sayers out there. The Mets now are 28-17 on Opening Day, the best OD record in baseball.

I love David Wright.

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Opening Day

Here we go folks, it's that time of the year again.

Thing is, I really would cry all day if there was no baseball...

Baruch HaShem Yom Yom for baseball.

Here We Are

Well here we are folks. It's Pesach time, vacation. It's been a long, crazy, but overall great year so far. Long z'man, lots of good, solid learning. But now time to relax a trifle. Still learn, of course, but no yeshiva, I get to sleep more, while waking up for shachris, of course. Although R' David's shul davens at 715 at the latest everyday. Here at yeshiva it's 730 during z'man. We've going to have to find another minyan around here somewhere...
Here's the plan for the next month:
1. Chill out. Hang out with friends who I haven't seen in a while.
2. Watch baseball (Opening Day tomorrow! Woo!)
3. Learn and take shechita tests.
4. And if possible, get my kabballah too.
5. At some point, go to Yerushalayim to the Arbits.
6. Eilat for chol hamo'ed.
7. Visit aunts uncles and Saba again at some points throughout the month.
8. Learn some more. Maybe get a chavrusa for Maseches Horayos...
That's about it for now. We'll see how much of it is actualyl going to be stuck too. I'll keep y'all updated about that. In the meantime...

Oh, and we should all daven Nusach haGra.

Laila tov.