Monday, July 31, 2006

Europe Got Muslims For Jews

European life in Aushwitz

How's that for liking Arabs, hm?

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

V'shavu Banim Ligvulam

How beautiful? This is how it should be.


You Are Batman

Billionaire playboy by day. Saving the world by night.
And you're not even a true superhero. Just someone with a lot of expensive toys!

Schimmelism Of The Week LVII

Jordan: It's so windy.
R Lipman: It's the sound of music.
Jordan: Sounds like wind to me.

I've realized that I don't know what I'm gonna do about Schimmelisms for next year. Like, how much of the Hebrew from the other guys will I understand...? Enough to get the jokes? To get them down? We'll see. If not, you're going to be seeing a lot of Mordy, Ezra and Max here...

Sunday, July 23, 2006

For You Baseball Illiterates

Carlos Beltran is on the Mets. Last year, because he was having a sub-par season, didn't like him and said the Mets should get rid of him, they shouldn't have signed him, whatever. I'm saying, you all are idiots, and Beltran is awesome.

For those of you who couldn't tell.

Friday, July 21, 2006

Gary Gets Air

To All You Beltran Haters

W h a t N o w ? There's nothing to say.

2006 Season (to date): 27 HR; 79 RBI; 22 2b; 189 TB; 54 BB; 12 SB; SB% - 80; .993 OBPS; .277 AVE.;

So, just sit down and shut up.

Thank you.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

So, What Am I?

Left Wing Modern Orthodox: 39%
Right Wing Modern Orthodox: 63%
Left Wing Yeshivish/Chareidi: 61%
Right Wing Yeshivish/Chareidi: 38%

This means you're: Huh?

What does it mean?
I give up. What are you? User Test: The Orthodoxy  Test.

Comparison Summary:
Of the 6197 unique test takers...

For: Left Wing Modern Orthodox
43% scored higher, and 56% scored lower.
The average Raw Score is: 29.0, your's was: 32.

For: Right Wing Modern Orthodox
48% scored higher, and 49% scored lower.
The average Raw Score is: 43.8, your's was: 46.

For: Left Wing Yeshivish/Chareidi
43% scored higher, and 54% scored lower.
The average Raw Score is: 39.9, your's was: 43.

For: Right Wing Yeshivish/Chareidi
35% scored higher, and 63% scored lower.
The average Raw Score is: 25.4, your's was: 30.

Someone asked me, "So, what do you consider yourself? Modern Orthodox? Yeshivish?" And I responded back, "I consider myself Shomer Torah Umitzvos." He says back, "No seriously." I respond, "I am serious. My belief system isn't fully in anything -- some things I lean towards MO, others toward Yeshivish." I straddle both of them so to speak.
The Torah doesn't care what you call yourself, just do the mitzvos. HaShem didn't create the Torah and say, "be Orthodox." He just said, "keep my mitzvos." I do the best I can.

Monday, July 17, 2006

Schimmelism Of The Week LVI

Beth: Aren't there 36 secret tzadikkim that support the world?
Peggy: Yeah, there are 35 others besides me.

Friday, July 14, 2006

Yom Huledet Samei'ach

Happy birthday Hinda. :-)

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Netanel's New Words

Yesterday my nephew Netanel spoke to me on the phone for around a minute. He said the words "dude" and "sweet".

"Vayar E-lokim es kol asher Asah vi'hinei tov mi'od--And God saw all which He made, and it was very good..." (Breishis 1:31)

And It Begins...

The 3-weeks-of-listening-to-the-same-acapella-cd's-over-and-over-again begin today. The major thing we're fasting for (besides the other 5 things) is that the Babylonians/Romans breached the walls of Yerushalayim today, making their way to the Beis HaMikdash on 9 B'Av.
But you ask yourself (or, at least I have, and then my rabbi told me that R' Soloveichik asked himself too), what were they doing for 3 weeks? What took so long to get from the walls of Yerushalayim to the Beis HaMikdash? For those of you who have been there, how long does it take to walk to the Kotel from when you walk into the Ir Ha'Atikah (Old City)? 15 minutes maybe? And it took them 3 weeks? What took so long? And not only that, the walls we have today aren't the same walls that were up in the times of the Batei Mikdash--or at least the 1st B"M (I think that by the 2nd B"M period Yerushalayim might have been this already I don't remember). So it was even smaller, and still took 3 weeks. What's with that?
Well, the answer is that us Jews know how to fight. It was pretty much non-stop fighting for 3 weeks. I think it's mentioned it the midrashim to Eicha, how much blood covered Yerushalayim after that--it was a lot. Tons of people lived there (I mean, come on, it's Yerushalayim, y' know?), and everyone went to fight, to protect themselves and the B"M. Crazy fighting for 3 straight weeks.

"Eichah yashivah badad, ha'ir rabasi am, hayisa ki'almanah; rabasi bagoyim sarasi bammidinos, hayisa lamas--Alas--she sits in solitude! The city that was great with people has become like a widow. The greatest among nations, the princess among provinces has become a tributary."

May the Lord change this bim'heirah b'yameinu, speedily in our days. And now let us respond, "Amein."

14 G's

Thank you, thank you.

I Hate Baseball

No no, sorry everybody. It's not real, it's just emotion--I still LOVE baseball this much. Really I hate the American League, and Michael Young (for taking away a sure MVP Award for either David Wright or Carlos Betlran...oh yeah and for beating the NL).

Oh yeah, and I also hate Ryan Howard.

Monday, July 10, 2006

Boston July 2 - 6

I was in Boston last week, Sunday until Thursday. It was awesome, so fun. First I went to Sharon to see my step-sister Ariel and her 4 month old son Aaron Daniel, my step-nephew. He is quite quite the cuteness. Then we went to Brookline to Rami's, and I had my first shwarma since June 5 on the corner of King George and Agrippas (that was some good shwarma--15 shekel too!). Rami's shwarma itself was pretty good, but they don't have laffa's, so that put a damper on it, but still, it wasn't bad. Then I went to Joey's where I stayed the whole week (thanks Joey). Just chilled, we were both really tired--me because I'm me, and him because he was jetlagged. We saw Noam though, he came over to Joey's which was cool because he left on the 4th.
Monday morning we went to 8:00 shachris(!!) and had breakfast at the kosher Dunkin' Donuts right across the street; and did so the entire week. That was nice, not waking up tli 740, then Dunkin' Donuts...AH! Can't get any better. In the afternoon I went to Shifra's house, then went to her soccer game with her, and then went to pizza with Hinda and Devorah. Tuesday I went to fireworks with Joey on top of one of his friends apartment buildings. I must say, that was a nice view of the city. Wednesday I was at the NCSY office with Devorah, helping her with stuff here and there, chillin' with her; that was fun. Rebbetzin Miller came around with her new daughter who is very cute. Then Wednesday night I went to pizza with Abby, Shifra and Hinda and then we went to the dollar store and Target. Lots of fun there, let me tell you. Shopping with 3 girls...but I got a new hat at Target: it's a fitted baseball hat, black, and on the front is the Batman logo on the metal thing (kinda what you'd find on a belt, except, it's on my hat), it's really cool. Thursday I chilled with R' Kahn and his family (and his sister's family and his mom) in the city. First we had lunch at Milk St., and then we went on the Swan Boats, and then they just played in the park for a trifle. It was lots of fun. And his kids are sooo cute! And then I went to Brandeis and went home with Chaya Aviva. Or Karen. Whichever you prefer.

Interesting, right...? *eyes darting left and right suspiciously...*

L'Shana Haba B'....Merkaz Shapira...?

I was officially accepted into Yeshivas Ohr Etziyyon in Merkaz Shapira, 15 - 20 minutes (I hear) outside of Ashqelon.

Now that I know what I'm doing for the next 4 years (officially), I just gotta find out what I'm doing for the next 7 weeks...

Friday, July 07, 2006

Schimmelism Of The Week LV

R Hershberg: There's going to be a lot of Ramban (12 cent. Torah scholar from Spain), more than Rambam. In English so don't worry.
Jordan: I didn't know he wrote in English.

Stop Complaining Ya Pansy!

"Some of the signs at the Ashkelon protest read, 'Stop the Shmassams!' - a reference to a recent remark by Vice Premier Shimon Peres. Peres said that the people of Sderot should not be complaining so strongly about the Kassams attacking their town, and that Israel should categorically inform the Palestinian Authority that, 'Kassams, Shmassams, we're staying in Sderot no matter what!'"

That is part of the Arutz-7 articaly by Hillel Findel.

Shimon Peres actually said, stop complaining that your town is being attacked by missles everday. Stop complaining that anyday, you can get hit by a missle.
What a stupid stupid man. If we can call him a man.

I have an idea: Someone follow him, and everyday shoot at his head. Maybe sometimes hit him, like in the arm or something; the shoulder. Another time get it like, an inch away from his ear. And then when he complains about being shot at, we say to him, "stop whining, ya pansy!"

Let's see what he thinks now.

Oh yeah..."In the meantime, several rockets hit the Negev city of Sderot, wounding three people with shrapnel."