Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Baruch Dayan HaEmes

You may have heard about the fire. A lot of guys at school know the family.
Stuff like this just makes you wonder, you know? Like, is today my last day? My last night? My last moment? Pirkei Avos (I forgot where) says "Do teshuva (repentence) on the last day of your life." Mefarshim (commentators) go to town with this phrase. The question jumps out, "Ay, but you don't know when your last day will be?" So they asnwer, that you should act as if everyday is your last day.
How scary is that? Today can be my last day.
It scares me, that's for sure. There's so much I would like to do before I die. Like see the Mets and Jets win their respective championships. But seriously, I want to finish mishnayyos and Gemara. I want to get kabbalah for shechita. I want to get married and have kids. I want to become a chazzan. I want to save Jewish lives (method at this point undecided).
I have a chavrusa on sunday to finish Mishnayos Kesubos.
How many people know that you love them? How many people know that you care about them? How many people know you appreciate all they do for you? How many? I know I don't say it often enough.
I love you. I really do. And I care about you a ton. I would do pretty much anything for you.
I'm not just talking to one person, though you might think I am. I'm talking to you. Yes YOU! YOU reading my blog right now.
Thank you for all you have done for me. Family, friends. All of you.
Imagine if you knew today was your last day (ch"v), what would you do?
You might be thinking, I don't have to think of that question right now...I bet the kids would have liked to think of that question yesterday.
Please forgive me if there is anything I did to hurt you. I am trully sorry, and I hope and pray to never to do it again. Please forgive me.
And now to deal with how stuff like this happens. I have no idea. But with everything else, we have to have emunah and bitachon that HaShem did what he did because if not, the Master Plan would falll apart. Somehow this fits into what He wants. When Maschi'ach comes, we will realize why these precious, precious kids had to be taken by HaShem, and we will say, yeah, this had to be done.
Gam zu l'tovah--also this is for good.
It sucks, I know--but it's true. Somehow. Don't ask me how. I have no idea how 4 kids dying in a house fire is good. I don't. And usually I would never say anything like that, but HaShem tells us there's a good reason for everything. I trust HaShem, how about you?
Y'hi ratzon (may it be His will) that Maschi'ach come soon to bring us back to Eretz Yisrael, reunite all Jews, and tell us reasons for all these "bad things" that happen.
Once again, I love and care about you all a ton. Please forgive me for anything I have done, and thank you for everything.
Thank you HaShem for everything you have given me. For my family; my friends, who are seriously the most amazing, awesome, greatest people in the world; for my voice, which, apparently, people like a lot; for all my talents; for all my possessions; for everything else I haven't mentioned. Thank you Lord.
Thank you everybody.


Blogger Hinda said...

Tonny, that was a beautiful post. I did not even hear about the fire. Thanks for including the link. You put it so well. We really do have to live as if it is our last day. We shouldn't worry about the small stuff like being obsessed about grades. Will it really matter in the end if you have a C+ average? No. People should think about the importance of the things they complain about, because usually, it is not worth the aggravation...

Wed Mar 23, 07:10:00 AM 2005  
Blogger Karban Nesanel said...

thank you Hinda, that means a lot, considering i am not known to write so well (to myself at least...).
im not saying we shouldnt worry about small stuff, just that we shouldnt forget whats more important...

Wed Mar 23, 08:14:00 AM 2005  
Blogger Devora:-) said...

I love you Tonny!


Thu Mar 24, 12:23:00 AM 2005  
Anonymous BAS said...

I honestly believe that every person you meet, you inspire them to become a better person, to live life, to not back down.
If that isn't saving Jewish- and non-Jewish- lives, I don't know what is.

Love you Tonny.

Tue May 17, 11:39:00 PM 2005  

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